Plz Note:
1. To understand this post u must have seen Rang De Basanti. And it is better if u also remember the original dialogues.
2. The blog is basically a series of mails, exchanged between me and my friend Ripudaman aka Rompy, which also brought forth the imaginative capabilities in both of us.
3. The mails (which includes modification of RDB’s dialogues) were written from memory.. so minor variations may be there from original dialogues.
4. I don’t know if you find it funny or not.. but I couldn’t stop laughing hours after. Hope it tickles a rib..
A little bit of background:
Rompy sent a mail in which was written that “It is the 2nd Death Anniversary of veerapan today… so we should shut our PC’s for 2 minutes in remembrance”
Along with it there was a photo of a grave and on the tombstone was written – R.I.P
(which by the way means Rest In Peace)
So I replied back :
From: Sid
What does RIP stand for - Remember in Prayer?????????
And u r talking of switching off pc for 2 mins.. today eveing I will switch off the pc for 2 days !!!
Long live Veeru…
Then there was some exchange of mails in which I was not answered so I again asked:
From: Sid
Par RIPu, R.I.P ka matlab to bata do….
Lash pe R.T.P likha hota to bhi samjh aa jata.. (Rovo Te Pitto) – par R.I.P ???
From: Rompy
O relax yaar…
Puch le sue se…mainu koi matlab pata hai….
Haan…dekha….
Veeru da inaam pakka…!!!!
(This is the dialogue which DJ says in the send off party for Ajay
It goes… main koi peeti hai.. puch le sue se… )
From : Sid
O sue taan kehndi – R.I.P means Routing Information Protocol..
From: Rompy
Jhoot bolta hai…
Sue to khali BA pass thi…usko kya pata Routing Information Protocol…hahahaha
From: Sid
Sue: maaji, apka beta to tester hai…
DJ: O yeh software jaaanti hai… O tu ne bataya nahi mereko..
. tu..tuuu sab samjhti hai???
Sue: Haan
DJ: O yaar.. yeh software samajhti hai.. badi gadbad ho gayi yaar
(This comes when DJ introduces sue to his mother and realizes she can speak hindi..)
From: Rompy
SUE: Kuch kaam kar lo…
DJ: (thoda sa code likhata hai) : har taraf sab kuch bikhar raha hai, main khada tamasha dekh raha hu
Hum jaison ki koi aukat hi nahi hai, agar hum RIP ka matlab nikaal bhi lein, fir bhi koi farak nahi padega, tab bhi kuch nahi badlega…
Veeru ek acha terrorist tha, ek acha gunda, achi achi moochon wala…us bande ne kabhi kisi ka kuch nahi bigaada yaar…kabhi kisi ka galt nahi kiya..
Aur apni banto(supposedly veeru ki janani) yaar, apni bachi…
(This comes when DJ cries while eating after Ajay’s death and the lathi charge where Ajay’s mother is injured)
From: Sid
DJ: Humen kuch aisa karna padega… jo unhe jadd se hila de…
Banto(veeru ki janani): Zinda kar do usse…
Sukhi: zinda kar den usse.. Veeru ko zinda kar de..
Pandey : ojha baba ka intezaam main kar dunga…
Sukhi: bhadka mat Pandey… baat baat par logn ko zinda karna tere liye aam bat hogi..
Karan: Zara si baat… veeru ki maut zara si baaaat hai…
Sukhi: par karega kaun,.. zinda kaun karega usse…
DJ: main karunga…
Pandey: roz raaat 12 baje .. chaand baadlon mein chupta hai… tabhi kar denge…
Khoon chalaaaaaa… khoooon challlaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… veeru ki ragon mein… fer se umad ke … khoon chala….
(This is the next scene in the movie where all of the guys decide to kill the defense minister)
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Security...
With the advent of Technology, there is an increasing threat to security – in every way… more threats by terrorists – who can much easily be connected and hence coordinate through use of the information highway.
Also, as more and more work is being carried on by electrons, it quite often results in invasion of privacy of individuals – by unknown people who can use the information for anything they like.
It can be for fun as well as for some serious damages.
One important task that has been taken on by the Internet revolution is the e-banking.
Though, I have to admit that this importance is limited to a very few set of people. More and more people are hooking on to the net but few really trust banking transactions like buying online tickets, funds transfer between accounts or paying bills online.
One is circumspect while doing this – after all it’s a matter of your hard earned money. What if the money lands in some other’s account? What of some one hacks your password and transfers all your money into his account, what if some one gets hold of your credit card number. All the fears in this regard are valid too. With increasing users, the anti-users are also increasing.
To prevent this and encourage consumers to use better and easy facilities, financial organizations continuously try to make the online transactions as safe as possible.
Ok.. enough of all this background work.. I will come to what happened with me.
I am a net savvy person. Everything from booking tickets to funds transfers or bill pay has to be through net only. It is a hassle free and quick way of doing things. (though I have faced some interesting hassles but they have not deterred me much)
So yesterday I had to transfer some money to a friend in Mysore. But he was not in my Payee List. So I had to Add him.
When I went to the “Add Payee” Section it had changed drastically. Now, you cant simply add in a Payee in 1 minute and make the transfer. Reason: What if someone else gets hold of ur password. Just logins in, adds himself as payee and yo.. ur account has been emptied in a matter of seconds. Though that would also require your Transaction Password and ATM debit card to be with the hacker.
To make matters safer, now to add a payee there is a complex procedure. You add a payee and then you have to get it authenticated by an Online Bank Officer. (there is 1 more way through mobile but it takes 5 days. So I took the former). Now I called up the bank Officer.
Me: Hi. I have registered a Payee for funds transfer. And want to authenticate it.
Bank Officer:Sure sir. I will do it. You need to answer some general questions.
VIVA time.. I had not given one since my college days.
Me: go ahead.
BO: Whats your Account number.
Me: 015XXXXXXX .
BO: ok. Your full name.
Me: (that’s an easy Viva) Sidharth Bedi
BO: Your date of birth
Me: 27 may 82.
BO: What is the complete address you mentioned while opening the account
Me(thinking):It is a Mysore account. Did I give the home address or office? Home address has less chance. It should be office.
Me: It’s Infosys Technologies Limited, Mysore.
BO: I want the complete address.
Me(thinking): what the hell !!what was it.. some 210.. manikonda village… hootagalli….was this hyd or mys..ohh 210, manikonda was hyd.. hootaglli was mys.. what was before that .. bull shit my memory.. 2 years I’ ve been there and now cant remember.. lets try.
Me: its Infosys, hootagalli, mysore.
BO: that is not the complete address. Shall I try another Question
Me(relieved): yes. PLzzzzz..
BO: What is your permanent address?
Me: (yes.. yes.. yes.. I know this one). H.no..XXXXXXXXXX, Chandigarh.
BO: ok. On which address do u receive your Account statements.
Me(thinking):when did I receive a statement. I always check it online. Ohh.. one statement comes in mail.. but that is for other account,..Me(mumbling): I don’t get a hardcopy.. I always check online..
BO: That doesn’t match with our records. I will ask another ques.
(déjà vu… I am in a college viva… I am sure about it.. Prof is staring me with a contemptuous look.. ‘if u don’t answer this then god help u’ )
BO: What are the documents you gave while opening the account.
(no.. no.. no.. I have started to believe that I am a hacker trying to hack some Sidharth bedi’s account)
Me: photo copy of I card.. and… and.. I don’t remember. It was 2 years ago…
BO: I am sorry sir. Then u have to tell the ‘Complete’ Address.
(I am in KBC… Amitabh bachchan is asking me the ques.. there is that spooky music in the background… spot light is on me.i have used my 2 lifelines..
I have to answer it correctly.. so I go for the third lifeline- SPARSH(infy intranet)… on which the address of all DC’s are written)Me: Just a moment. I will tell you.
BO: ok. I am on hold
Is show pe Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi.. aap jitna marzi samay le sakte hain…I check out the ‘complete address’ address and tell him.
Me: Infosys Technologies Limited… Plot No. 350-354, 368-372, 376… hebbal electronic city.. Hootagalli.. Mysore.. 571186..
BO: sir can you repeat the Pin code.
Me: 571186
BO: Sorry sir that doesn’t match with our records.
Me(pulling my hair apart): 570018????
(that just came out of the blue from some part of the memory where it had registered itself)
BO: OK sir. Now can you tell me the phone number?
Thankfully I remember the phone number. Because I had just updated the phone number on ICICI site and replaced mys number with chd number
Me(thinking): it must be the Mysore number…Me: 988XXXXXXX.
BO: This doesn’t match with our records. Do u remember any previous number
(I am going to kill him. Then I remember I have just changed the number).
Me: 9872XXXXXXXX
BO: OK sir. What is the account number you are adding to your payee list.
I tell him along with the name, nickname of the account holder.
BO: ok. This has been approved. You can go ahead and make transfers now.
Is it?? Is this real????
I have done it..
I have passed the VIVA!! Yahoooo……..
Also, as more and more work is being carried on by electrons, it quite often results in invasion of privacy of individuals – by unknown people who can use the information for anything they like.
It can be for fun as well as for some serious damages.
One important task that has been taken on by the Internet revolution is the e-banking.
Though, I have to admit that this importance is limited to a very few set of people. More and more people are hooking on to the net but few really trust banking transactions like buying online tickets, funds transfer between accounts or paying bills online.
One is circumspect while doing this – after all it’s a matter of your hard earned money. What if the money lands in some other’s account? What of some one hacks your password and transfers all your money into his account, what if some one gets hold of your credit card number. All the fears in this regard are valid too. With increasing users, the anti-users are also increasing.
To prevent this and encourage consumers to use better and easy facilities, financial organizations continuously try to make the online transactions as safe as possible.
Ok.. enough of all this background work.. I will come to what happened with me.
I am a net savvy person. Everything from booking tickets to funds transfers or bill pay has to be through net only. It is a hassle free and quick way of doing things. (though I have faced some interesting hassles but they have not deterred me much)
So yesterday I had to transfer some money to a friend in Mysore. But he was not in my Payee List. So I had to Add him.
When I went to the “Add Payee” Section it had changed drastically. Now, you cant simply add in a Payee in 1 minute and make the transfer. Reason: What if someone else gets hold of ur password. Just logins in, adds himself as payee and yo.. ur account has been emptied in a matter of seconds. Though that would also require your Transaction Password and ATM debit card to be with the hacker.
To make matters safer, now to add a payee there is a complex procedure. You add a payee and then you have to get it authenticated by an Online Bank Officer. (there is 1 more way through mobile but it takes 5 days. So I took the former). Now I called up the bank Officer.
Me: Hi. I have registered a Payee for funds transfer. And want to authenticate it.
Bank Officer:Sure sir. I will do it. You need to answer some general questions.
VIVA time.. I had not given one since my college days.
Me: go ahead.
BO: Whats your Account number.
Me: 015XXXXXXX .
BO: ok. Your full name.
Me: (that’s an easy Viva) Sidharth Bedi
BO: Your date of birth
Me: 27 may 82.
BO: What is the complete address you mentioned while opening the account
Me(thinking):It is a Mysore account. Did I give the home address or office? Home address has less chance. It should be office.
Me: It’s Infosys Technologies Limited, Mysore.
BO: I want the complete address.
Me(thinking): what the hell !!what was it.. some 210.. manikonda village… hootagalli….was this hyd or mys..ohh 210, manikonda was hyd.. hootaglli was mys.. what was before that .. bull shit my memory.. 2 years I’ ve been there and now cant remember.. lets try.
Me: its Infosys, hootagalli, mysore.
BO: that is not the complete address. Shall I try another Question
Me(relieved): yes. PLzzzzz..
BO: What is your permanent address?
Me: (yes.. yes.. yes.. I know this one). H.no..XXXXXXXXXX, Chandigarh.
BO: ok. On which address do u receive your Account statements.
Me(thinking):when did I receive a statement. I always check it online. Ohh.. one statement comes in mail.. but that is for other account,..Me(mumbling): I don’t get a hardcopy.. I always check online..
BO: That doesn’t match with our records. I will ask another ques.
(déjà vu… I am in a college viva… I am sure about it.. Prof is staring me with a contemptuous look.. ‘if u don’t answer this then god help u’ )
BO: What are the documents you gave while opening the account.
(no.. no.. no.. I have started to believe that I am a hacker trying to hack some Sidharth bedi’s account)
Me: photo copy of I card.. and… and.. I don’t remember. It was 2 years ago…
BO: I am sorry sir. Then u have to tell the ‘Complete’ Address.
(I am in KBC… Amitabh bachchan is asking me the ques.. there is that spooky music in the background… spot light is on me.i have used my 2 lifelines..
I have to answer it correctly.. so I go for the third lifeline- SPARSH(infy intranet)… on which the address of all DC’s are written)Me: Just a moment. I will tell you.
BO: ok. I am on hold
Is show pe Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi.. aap jitna marzi samay le sakte hain…I check out the ‘complete address’ address and tell him.
Me: Infosys Technologies Limited… Plot No. 350-354, 368-372, 376… hebbal electronic city.. Hootagalli.. Mysore.. 571186..
BO: sir can you repeat the Pin code.
Me: 571186
BO: Sorry sir that doesn’t match with our records.
Me(pulling my hair apart): 570018????
(that just came out of the blue from some part of the memory where it had registered itself)
BO: OK sir. Now can you tell me the phone number?
Thankfully I remember the phone number. Because I had just updated the phone number on ICICI site and replaced mys number with chd number
Me(thinking): it must be the Mysore number…Me: 988XXXXXXX.
BO: This doesn’t match with our records. Do u remember any previous number
(I am going to kill him. Then I remember I have just changed the number).
Me: 9872XXXXXXXX
BO: OK sir. What is the account number you are adding to your payee list.
I tell him along with the name, nickname of the account holder.
BO: ok. This has been approved. You can go ahead and make transfers now.
Is it?? Is this real????
I have done it..
I have passed the VIVA!! Yahoooo……..
Friday, August 11, 2006
Funny....
Some things happen in your daily routine that make you smile – what we can call situational comedy. Thalir once wrote a Blog on some of these funny situations and goof ups in our daily office life.
Starting yesterday and continuing today, I also experienced a funny turn of events.
Ok this is what happened.
I was assigned a task by let us say PM1(Amitabh Bacchan). It was an urgent requirement. I was asked to take the code etc from ML1(Shahrukh Khan). Shahrukh is usually very busy and has loads of work. Whenever there is an issue, everyone is asked by seniors to contact him only. Ok. Now Shahrukh gives me the code etc. This is not the normal setup we usually do. It is somewhat different. As I am setting up the code (right folder, correct classpaths etc), some doubt arises. So I get back to SRK asking about this Doubt.
As usual, he seems very busy. He quickly tells me that the file ‘A’ needs to be modified (which by the way I knew) and to send the file to SE1(Salman) who will do the modifications. I send it.
So the cycle till now is Amitabh --> me --> SRK --> Salman
Now, I have a long discussion with Salman on MSN and then on Phone.
An excerpt:
Salman: Shahrukh had done a similar thing. You can ask him.
Me: (smiling at the irony) He only asked me to contact you.
Salman is not able to provide a satisfactory solution. I try some things myself but to no avail. The problem is at 1 of the 2 places – the server (controlled by Sallu) or the file ‘A’ which has certain settings dependent on the server only.
I try to contact Shahrukh again, but he has left for the day.
As I near my EOD, I finally decide to ask Amitabh Bacchan only.
So it is Amitabh --> me --> SRK --> salman (who has refereed SRK) --> Amitabh.
Now Amit jee has a look at the error.
Me: So this is the error.
Amit jee: I guess u shud ask Shahrukh or PM2(dharmendra)
Me: Shahrukh has left for the day.
Amit jee: it seems dharam phaaji also has gone.
So I also leave for the day, with instructions to contact Dharmendra in the morning.
Next morning, it is Dharam phaaji’s turn to enter the picture.
Amit jee --> me --> SRK --> Salman (who has refereed SRK) --> Amit jee (refers SRK and Dharam phaji) --> garam dharam
He looks at the error. Gives some indicators at what could be the problem. I listen patiently despite knowing where the problem was. It is very advisable to shut up and listen when a more knowledgeable person is speaking, even if you already know what he is saying. Sometime during that listening, you may hear something seemingly inconsequential. You give it a try and yo!!.. it works!
But no such inconsequential hearings came out of our discussion. Now Dharamendra asks me to mail the file to ML2( Kajol)
There is no response from kajol for a long time so I refer back to Dharam phaaji to refer any one else. PM3(Rekha) comes to stage now.
Rekha mails back with Kajol and Shahrukh (again!!!!!!!) in CC.
Kajol meanwhile asks SRK (off the record) to see the issue as he has already done it.
So it is back to Shahrukh.
He contacts me!!
The cycle has turned full circle
Amitabh --> me --> SRK --> Salman --> Amitabh --> Dharamendra --> Kajol --> Rekha --> Kajol --> SRK
Shahrukh now tries to solve the problem – cannot.
SRK: I guess we need to ask Dharam phaaji about this.
Me (pulling my hair): I have already done that.
SRK: ok. Then we need to ask Karan Johar. I will consult with Kajol on this.
Will Shahrukh and Kajol be able to find a solution. Will Karan Johar come into picture. Will Salman be able to get a meaty role in all this.
Will I be able to finish the work????
Watch out this space for the answers!!!!!!!
Starting yesterday and continuing today, I also experienced a funny turn of events.
Ok this is what happened.
I was assigned a task by let us say PM1(Amitabh Bacchan). It was an urgent requirement. I was asked to take the code etc from ML1(Shahrukh Khan). Shahrukh is usually very busy and has loads of work. Whenever there is an issue, everyone is asked by seniors to contact him only. Ok. Now Shahrukh gives me the code etc. This is not the normal setup we usually do. It is somewhat different. As I am setting up the code (right folder, correct classpaths etc), some doubt arises. So I get back to SRK asking about this Doubt.
As usual, he seems very busy. He quickly tells me that the file ‘A’ needs to be modified (which by the way I knew) and to send the file to SE1(Salman) who will do the modifications. I send it.
So the cycle till now is Amitabh --> me --> SRK --> Salman
Now, I have a long discussion with Salman on MSN and then on Phone.
An excerpt:
Salman: Shahrukh had done a similar thing. You can ask him.
Me: (smiling at the irony) He only asked me to contact you.
Salman is not able to provide a satisfactory solution. I try some things myself but to no avail. The problem is at 1 of the 2 places – the server (controlled by Sallu) or the file ‘A’ which has certain settings dependent on the server only.
I try to contact Shahrukh again, but he has left for the day.
As I near my EOD, I finally decide to ask Amitabh Bacchan only.
So it is Amitabh --> me --> SRK --> salman (who has refereed SRK) --> Amitabh.
Now Amit jee has a look at the error.
Me: So this is the error.
Amit jee: I guess u shud ask Shahrukh or PM2(dharmendra)
Me: Shahrukh has left for the day.
Amit jee: it seems dharam phaaji also has gone.
So I also leave for the day, with instructions to contact Dharmendra in the morning.
Next morning, it is Dharam phaaji’s turn to enter the picture.
Amit jee --> me --> SRK --> Salman (who has refereed SRK) --> Amit jee (refers SRK and Dharam phaji) --> garam dharam
He looks at the error. Gives some indicators at what could be the problem. I listen patiently despite knowing where the problem was. It is very advisable to shut up and listen when a more knowledgeable person is speaking, even if you already know what he is saying. Sometime during that listening, you may hear something seemingly inconsequential. You give it a try and yo!!.. it works!
But no such inconsequential hearings came out of our discussion. Now Dharamendra asks me to mail the file to ML2( Kajol)
There is no response from kajol for a long time so I refer back to Dharam phaaji to refer any one else. PM3(Rekha) comes to stage now.
Rekha mails back with Kajol and Shahrukh (again!!!!!!!) in CC.
Kajol meanwhile asks SRK (off the record) to see the issue as he has already done it.
So it is back to Shahrukh.
He contacts me!!
The cycle has turned full circle
Amitabh --> me --> SRK --> Salman --> Amitabh --> Dharamendra --> Kajol --> Rekha --> Kajol --> SRK
Shahrukh now tries to solve the problem – cannot.
SRK: I guess we need to ask Dharam phaaji about this.
Me (pulling my hair): I have already done that.
SRK: ok. Then we need to ask Karan Johar. I will consult with Kajol on this.
Will Shahrukh and Kajol be able to find a solution. Will Karan Johar come into picture. Will Salman be able to get a meaty role in all this.
Will I be able to finish the work????
Watch out this space for the answers!!!!!!!
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